Negative Personality Traits That Are Actually Beneficial

The key to life is to place your self in the proper lighting. Susan Cain wrote this in her e book, Quiet, all in regards to the energy of introverts in a world that may’t cease speaking. After filling 365 pages with the reality that there are lots of totally different powers on the planet for introverts and extroverts, Cain writes in her conclusion, “The trick is to not amass all of the totally different varieties of accessible energy, however to make use of effectively the sort you’ve been granted.”

By studying her e book, I found one thing essential about myself. My quietness and shyness have been a stunning unlocking of my potential, not a disruption. I simply wanted to redirect the best way I used to be fascinated with them. I wasn’t awkward—I used to be insightful. I wasn’t weak—I used to be delicate. I had a key that might unlock entry to a non-public backyard filled with riches. I discovered energy in remark and empathy and couldn’t beat myself up for missing the need to seek out it in public talking and intensive dialog. 

So, what else was I lacking about who I used to be? What detrimental truths have been truly constructive alternatives? 

Societal expectations are overwhelming; the best way we see ourselves doesn’t and mustn’t align with the perfect. Unrightfully labeled “dangerous traits” may be good.

Society sees the world a sure means. People are presupposed to be determined multitaskers, hustlers, dreamers, underdogs, and the beautiful pairing to the American dream. Girls are presupposed to be quiet, compliant, and, on the similar time, humble and effortlessly sexual. Societal expectations are overwhelming; the best way we see ourselves doesn’t and mustn’t align with the perfect. Unrightfully labeled “dangerous traits” may be good. If we observe them in a brand new mild, we will acquire energy from them and ourselves.

So, I got here up with six character traits (about myself) that I’ve all the time discovered detrimental; I explored how they are often my secret but palpable superpowers. 

1. Envy

I’ve been envious extra occasions than I can depend. Till I grew to become a author, I felt envy for different writers deeply. I needed to be an creator. I needed to learn my e book in a bookstore. In each early 2000s romantic comedy that featured the primary character as {a magazine} editor (Author’s Be aware: mainly all of them), I needed to have that life. That envy got here in an fascinating type. Eager to be a author so badly made me really feel incompetent and overwhelmed by the chance. I feared the envy and the prospect of failure.

Not too long ago, somebody at work instructed me that envy in my skilled life might point out what I needed. Being envious uncovered a want and an unspeakable want. What a constructive means to have a look at emotion! If I begin to really feel like I need one thing another person has, I want to make use of it as a sign to pursue mentioned urge for food; break down the seed of that want. Envy could also be an unpleasant emotion, however it tells the reality. If we observe our needs objectively, we will higher outline tips on how to attain them.

Envy could also be an unpleasant emotion, however it tells the reality. If we observe our needs objectively, we will higher outline tips on how to attain them.

I need to notice right here that envy is totally different than jealousy. I discovered this from Brené Brown, the coveted feelings researcher and TED Speak extraordinaire. Jealousy and envy should not the identical issues. Envy is between two folks and wanting one thing that another person has. Jealousy, alternatively, is between three folks and it’s the worry of dropping one thing we already should another person. I’ve discovered this profit in envy particularly and realizing I need one thing, versus being afraid of dropping one thing I have already got.

2. Self-criticism 

As a author, I’m going again and browse what I’ve written rather a lot. I discover myself on outdated Instagram posts, on-line articles, and journal entries—critiquing what I’ve shared previously. Once I first began holding a journal (round first grade) I grew to become obsessive about going again and rereading 12 months by 12 months. I used to be intrigued by how a lot issues had modified; by how my telling of these issues had modified.

So, it is sensible that I typically come throughout earlier write-ups that I hate. I cringe at my type and tone, how I place phrases, and beliefs or ideas I had. On the intense aspect of this detrimental self-critique, after I look again on my artwork and dislike it, I believe it’s as a result of I’ve grown past a previous self. Change may be uncomfortable—however discomfort typically results in deeper development. And being self-critical is one approach to determine that development occurring.

3. Messing up

I mess up ALL the time. I mess up at work. I mess up with my associates. I mess up with my household. I mess up on the subject of saving cash, cooking, driving, loving, and being unhappy. Messing up is in our nature.

Nonetheless, making errors in all these realms signifies we might must relaxation. We have to decelerate and, figuratively, cease attempting to pat our heads and rub our stomachs on the similar time. I hit burnout early within the 12 months at my job. My work was sloppy and I didn’t have the headspace to put in writing. I made errors that felt beginner. So, I took a while off to relaxation. Going dormant doesn’t imply I’m weak. And messing up actually doesn’t imply I’m silly or incapable. Think about that, millennial perfectionist! (Author’s Be aware: I’m mocking myself however blink twice in the event you really feel the identical.)

4. Laziness 

Opposite to hustle tradition, shifting slowly—solely finishing one necessary job a day—is a luxurious. When compelled to multitask, our brains have a more difficult time with recall. We change into overwhelmed. I additionally learn someplace that individuals who stroll slowly are happier. That resonated with me. Why was I in a rush to do the entire issues, the entire time?

I need to make laziness my battle cry. I’m not unwilling to do work or deplete a variety of power, however I need to be prepared to let issues transfer slowly. And never hate myself for it. My sister gave me a e book just lately known as Be Extra Tree and the primary web page mentioned it greatest: “As a smart particular person as soon as mentioned, persistence isn’t within the ready, it’s the way you cope with having to attend. And Japanese maples have this all labored out. These little bushes develop within the mountains, the place the tempo of life is sluggish, winters may be exhausting, and it’s not an awesome concept to overstretch your self.”

So, be like a Japanese maple. You’ll be crammed with gorgeous bronze foliage finally.

5. Swearing

Till I used to be in faculty, I used to be conditioned to suppose that swearing made me foul. I didn’t swear in entrance of my dad and mom till I used to be in my late twenties and nonetheless cringe after I accomplish that now (I’m thirty-four). Regardless of being afraid of the phrase f*ck for thus lengthy, after I began swearing it made me really feel happy. It felt good to yell a hefty “rattling it” Hail Mary into the air. Regardless of pondering I used to be a foul-mouthed sailor, swearing makes me really feel… calm. 

A Keele College research just lately got here out and confirmed swearing has a profit on your ache response. The main points of the analysis confirmed that swearing allowed folks to carry their fingers below chilly water for an extended period of time, in comparison with the group of people that weren’t allowed to swear. I believe what I’m writing right here is that typically, saying “fuck it, I give up” is usually a therapeutic balm.

6. Introversion 

A quote by Anaïs Nin: “Our tradition made a advantage of dwelling solely as extroverts. We discouraged the inside journey, the hunt for a middle. So we misplaced our heart and have to seek out it once more.” 

I can shine as an introvert as a result of it’s that character trait that enables me to be a greater listener and a compassionate storyteller. Understanding this little bit of myself allowed me to offer myself extra grace. 

In Susan Cain’s e book, she writes to remember that look is just not actuality. We don’t know what’s occurring inside folks’s minds. They may very well be writing a sonnet, imagining a worry, or fascinated with what they’re going to say subsequent. However, we will’t assume extroversion is the one kind of energy. Being an introvert is just too. Quiet is compelling. 

I didn’t perceive earlier than studying her e book, Quiet, that the Extrovert Ideally suited had overshadowed my life for thus lengthy. Whereas studying, it shortly grew to become obvious to me that my reality was the introvert mentality. I used to be overly delicate. I didn’t like loud noises. I all the time felt empathetic. And after I stifled the concept of being an introvert, I stifled these issues too. I misplaced part of myself whereas attempting to pleasure myself on having the ability to be a shocking public speaker and hated myself after I shut down and felt deeply awkward in dialog. I can shine as an introvert as a result of it’s that character trait that enables me to be a greater listener and a compassionate storyteller. Understanding this little bit of myself allowed me to offer myself extra grace. 

The lesson right here is that this. If we’re curious and open to how detrimental private traits can change into relevant classes in self-definement, we will use lemons to make lemonade. 

Ending with this excellent quote from Susan Cain: “Discover out what you are supposed to contribute to the world and be sure you contribute it. If this requires public talking or networking or different actions that make you uncomfortable, do them anyway. However settle for that they’re troublesome, get the coaching it is advisable make them simpler, and reward your self if you’re achieved.”

Susan Cain quotes all the time make me need to mic drop. Now, inform me your detrimental truths which can be truly useful. We are able to all study from them.